#14 Missing News

“Again?” Pit exclaimed, “you can’t be serious Bob!”

“I wish it was otherwise Pit,” said Bob as he shook his head with a sigh peeking from behind the windows of his soul wondering if it should come out on ceremony.

“That’s strange,” Pit noted, “According to statistics, I would have expected you to sigh by now. Are you holding back a sigh?”

“No,” sighed Bob, proving his point.

“Impressive,” said Pit, “Now, what shall we do with this predicament?”

Bob frowned. He did not know what to do. He had walked out from his house in the morning to collect the newspaper as usual only to find that the newspaper had no news on it. It was not just Bob’s paper that had no news on it, everyone in town receive blank pieces of paper. Something was very wrong.

“This smells pretty fishy to me,” said Pit.

“I suspect it is the salmon in your hands,” said Bob.

“Brilliant!” shouted Pit, pointing the salmon right at Bob’s nose.

As quick as a snail on caffeine, Pit breaks the window with the salmon and dashes out the kitchen door.

“What are you doing Pit?” shouted Bob.

Almost out of ear-shot, Pit shouts back, “Meet me in the front garden!”

Bob turns around and dashes to the front door. Bam! The door flings wide open just as Bob caught hold of the handle. Slamming his face and sending him flying into the air.

“Bob, bob!! Hurry up!” screams Pit as he dashes through the front door.

Bob, now having landed on the sofa only manages to give a limp nod before passing out.

“Goodness mayonnaise me, Bob! Now is not the time to nap!” said Pit.

“Sir,” said a small little voice from just outside the front door, “I believe we have something to discuss?”

“Yes, we do,” replied Pit sternly. With that, Pit gave an earful to what appeared to be well groomed ants in tuxedos about the legalities of removing news from newspapers.

“We understand Sir Pit,” said the ants, “We are horribly sorry about this incident. We had tried to source better material for building our ant hill. It’s sort of a Caesar’s Palace and pile of dirt kinda architectural endeavor. Anyway, we couldn’t find anything to hold up the dirt roof. We tried using sticks as the columns but it was too weak, candles but they were too wick, and even dolphins but they were too sloshy. That’s when we saw the newspaper columns and used them. Its inherent phonetic qualities and mixture of compound words gave it paralleled strength, line after line…”

“Alright, alright. That’s quite enough!” interrupted Pit. Who then turned to the still dazed Bob and said, “Told you there was something fishy about this!”

“Dolphins aren’t fish, they’re mammals,” stated Bob, still in a daze, perhaps even a haze, who knows?

Anyway, the ants carefully and painstakingly removed the news columns supporting the roof and glued them back to the newspapers. With the help of Pit, the ants managed to build their ant hill out of just dirt.

“So now it’s more of a pile of dirt and Caesar’s Palace kinda architecture,” said the ants in tuxedos.

“Your description sounds the same as before,” said Pit.

“No! It is not the same!” retorted the distinguished ants, “the sequence of words are different! They mean absolutely different things!

“My apollo geese,” said Pit.

The ants having just finished their ant hill were too overjoyed to take offense at such a small slip in contextual interpretation of spoken words. They decided instead, to hold a ball to celebrate the completion of their new home. So, Pit lent them his basket ball, and the ants had a ball of a time holding the ball all through the night.

#13 Weather It Out

It was a quaint little day that required nothing more than a slight shower forecast in the afternoon to make it interesting. Since days like that can be quite boring, we'll skip to the day after.

"Does it ever bother you Pit, that the weather forecast yesterday was off?" asked Bob.

"Yes, I do believe I was wrong to assume so," replied Pit.

"That's true. However, this is the first time Pupoojomaro was off," noted Bob.

Pit's face suddenly lit up. Bob saw a blind deer at the window and immediately knew what Pit was going to say.

"And I have no eye deer why...," said Pit much to Bob's suspicion.

"Are we still talking about the weather?" Bob asked.

"I don't know," replied Pit, "Whether it's the weather or whether it's leather we should make sure it lathers."

With a frown and a squint, Bob exclaimed, "We're not on the same page are we?"

"I'm on page thirty eight," Pit said, "But perhaps we're just not reading the same book at all. Grab your hat Bob! Let's go!"

The epiphany that Pit received was in fact, connected to the issue Bob brought up. And it was also connected with the fact that the day before yesterday, Pit had over heard Pupoojomaro telling Mr. Grocer that he was having quite a bad flu.

Bob and Pit arrived at Pupoojomaro's house. And quietly, with the stealth of an elephant, and the elegance of a panda, Pit broke in the house by throwing Bob at the window.

Pupoojomaro was sitting in the living room and saw the whole commotion with his own eyes. Jumped on his feet, and exclaimed, "What are you trying to do Pit...?"

Before Pupoojomaro could finish his sentence, Pit charged at him with a pillow and beat the living room daylights out of him.

"Bob! This is the reason why Pupoojomaro's forecast was off," shouted Pit, while bashing Pupoojomaro's head with the pillow, "it's a job hazard inherent in weather forecasters."

Bob, sprawled on the floor still dazed from crashing Windows, managed to murmur, "What happened? Everything turned blue..."

Pit who was almost out of breath, replied, "Bob! When a person has too much weather in his head, his judgement is clouded. That's why, there was no rain yesterday! It's all in Pupoojomaro's head! The clouds surrounded his judgement, and is now pouring inside his head! It isn't the flu, his nose is running like a tap because it's flooding in his head!"

*pop*

Out of Pupoojomaro's left ear, the cloud left him. And Pit finally stopped hitting Pupoojomaro. Pit's method of curing him was a draining process, not just for Pupoojomaro.

Pit helped Pupoojomaro to his bed and poured him a warm glass of water. With a weak voice, Pupoojomaro whispered a thank you to Pit. And soon Pit was on his way back home. Satisfied that he saved a friend from drowning in his thoughts. However, Pit couldn't help feeling that he forgot something.

"Well, as long as we helped someone today," said Pit, reassuring himself, "right Bob? Bob? ......BOB!!"

#12 Monkey Business ~ part 3

“It’s Bobana!” exclaimed Bob pointing to the bright object in the sky.
“Hello Bob, hello Pit, sorry I’m late,” shouted Bobana from on top of the flying saucer, “I asked my friend Pupoojomaro to come help.”

Suddenly a small little man jumped out of the flying saucer. He leaped around in a sort of happy manner. He did a few spins and took a bow.

“Hello dear friends,
I’m here to seek,
A cow named Tutti,
Who is very sick!”

With that, Pupoojomaro sprinkled rhyme powder on the rest of this story.

“Oh deary me,
This is dire,
What Tutti needs,
Is induced diarrhea.

Thankfully I brought my tools,
A Scottish bagpipe, filled with tunes.
Nay, you shan’t worry for you must stay cool,
For when I start playing, the needles will come loose.”

So Pupoojomaro with all his might,
Drew the biggest breadth he ever could.
He filled his lungs until they were so tight,
That even his goose who likes to bump, stood.

And he sang,

“Didalee doo, didalee foo,
Momma forgot to give me my food
Didalee la, dedalee ta,
So I called my friends up for a pizza!”

As Pupoo sang,
It was apparent,
That something strange,
Had happened.

Tutti groan a while more,
But suddenly got up on her feet.
The needles had melted at the sound of Pupoos song,
And now where part of her blood stream.

Feeling stronger than before,
Tutti knew the needles played a role.
For the iron from the needles reached her core,
She was now iron-reinforced.

So ended this very strange day,
Of its happenings none ever knew.
For this episode has dragged on too long,
So everyone repeated Pupoojomaro’s song.


“Didalee doo, didalee foo,
Momma forgot to give me my food
Didalee la, dedalee ta,
So I called my friends up for a pizza!”

#11 Monkey Business ~ part 2

“Maybe we should call Bobana since he is an expert on animals,” suggested Bob.

“Yes, that is wise. Let’s do,” answered Pit while punching in Bobana’s phone number on his mobile phone, “Bobana, please come quick! We have a professional-blem!”

Once done with the phone call, Pit took off the boxing gloves he used to punch in the phone numbers and passed the beaten up phone to Bob for safe keeping.

“Why do you bash your phone up like that Pit?” wondered Bob.

Pit grinned and sheepishly replied, “Oh, I give the phone a good wallop now and then to keep the battery going. Since the moblie phone is always battered, I don’t have to worry about the battery level falling to low.”

As Bob and Pit waited for Bobana’s arrival, there was a loud thud from a far away tree. Squinting their eyes, Bob and Pit saw two hairy objects on the ground. One was jumping in an erratic manner and the other was waving its hair.

Pit exclaimed, “I think those are the two weird monkeys…”

Before Pit could finish his sentence, Tunic used his super-sneezing power to propel himself within meters of Pit.

“CHIMP! CHIMP! I AM NOT MONKEY!” screamed Tunic, “I’m ashamed to share 99% of the same genetic composition with the likes of you humans who can’t tell a monkey from a chimp!!”

“I’m really sorry,” apologised Pit sincerely, “Have you any news from your space sheep?”

Just then, Sputnik reached where they were. Breathless after the extremely small distant that he covered by using his super power of speed tip-toeing, he managed to reply Pit, “No… The sheep in our spaceship sheepishly told us that he was out of wool…”

“So, wool is what is needed to save this cow?” asked Bob.

“No! Silly, this just means that the sheep’s master, dame and the little boy down the lane can’t have any black wool soup for the next few months,” replied Tunic in a rather irritated tone.

Suddenly, a groan was heard from Tutti.

“I can, see a light…” Tutti said with a very weak voice, “It’s as bright as the sun…”

Tunic gave Tutti a blank stare and said, “That IS the sun.”

“No, it’s not Tunic, look again,” said Sputnik.

Tunic looked again, and to his astonishment, he saw a bright light coming from the middle of a circular object far up in the sky. The object was descending slowly and the light grew brighter and brighter…

…to be continued…

#10 Monkey Business ~ part 1

It was a lollipopish day, Bob and Pit were up early in the Looly Ville Park. They were trying to bee-friend the bee.

"Bob, beeing a friend to a bee by bee-friending them is not as simple as it looks," observed Pit, "You really need to be a sweet talker."

"Sweet talker?" responded Bob.

Pit leaned towards Bob and said, "Yes, one has to know the buzz."

"Hey Pit, ever noticed that a lot of lollipops are popping today?" Asked Bob, "Look at the lollipop seller over there!"

Just as Pit was turning around, a furry object appeared screaming, "Have no fur, Sputnik can slur!"

Sputnik then don on some blings and an over-sized sunglasses and started rapping in a muffled manner, slurring his words at every chance he got to.

"Tunic! Tutti! Come on we have tooth decay to fight! Pop those lollis!"

Out of fat air, a cow and a chimp appeared. The cow was eating hay while the chimp held needles and wrecklessly ran towards every lollipop and popped them. Suddenly, the chimp slipped on a slipper and flung the needles into the hay stack.

"No Tutti!" screamed Sputnik and Tunic. But it was too late, Tutti had devoured the hatstack in approximately 26 blinks of an eye.

"Ohh, I feel drowsy," exclaimed Tutti, "I think my haystack's been spiked. I don't remember having any blood circulation problems, but my whole body feels like pins and needles..." With that, Tutti fell flat on the ground, making quite an impression on the town.

"By golly, removing those lollipopping needles will be as hard as finding needles in a haystack in a cow!" Bob remarked.

Sputnik and Tunic screamed at each other in monkey talk and turned towards Bob and Pit. They told Bob and Pit that they'll have to get help from their space sheep who is in their spaceship - P.L.A.Y. Station. Bob and Pit merely stared back not knowing how to respond.

Unconcerned, Sputnik and Tunic strapped on Coka Cola bottles and dropped in catridges of Mentos and dissappeared into the morning sky.

Bob and Pit were left to keep an eye on the cow.

#9 The Machine ~ part 2

A few moments of suspense followed by some moments of confusion passed by Freddy life. Such moments are uneventful.

Freddy stood in front of the machine in utter disappointment.

“I don't get it,” thought Freddy, “it should work. Even if it didn't work the way it was meant to, it should have done something that will coincidentally work out and make me famous!”

Suddenly, in a subtle manner, a sound came from the machine.

“Hoo....”

“What's that?” Freddy thought.

Freddy walked around the machine poking and kicking trying to, in his own gentle way nudge the machine to reply. But he couldn't find the source of the sound. Nevertheless, the sound continued, “Hoooooo...”


The sound began to get louder and more intense, “oooooOOOO....... Hoo Hoo Hoo... Wah Wah Wah.... Hoo wah!!”

Freddy, in a voice just short of a scream, “Who's that?”

“Hoo Wah, it's me,” replied what sounded like a monkey.

“Who are you? Why do you sound like a monkey?”

Suddenly, the machine broke in half. A surviving light bulb drew out the silhouette of a black furry object. With fiery eyes the not-so-small-yet-not-so-big creature declared, “I am Sputnik the space monkey, cousin of Tunic the chimp and good friend of Tutti the cow!”

Before Freddy could react, the Sputnik jumped out and put on the pair of glasses filed with water. The fire in Sputnik's eyes died.

“Oh my, did I just teleported a monkey from space??” thought Freddy swelling up with pride.

“No actually, I've been hiding in one of the light bulbs all the time. Just waiting for the right time to come out.” the monkey said

“And what time is that?”

“When the gang of shooting stars come,” said Sputnik, “because it is time. Time to call upon my cousin and good friend to fight evil with clever hand-eye coordination and complex arrangements of triangles, circles, squares and crosses. I have to return to my space station now. It's called P.L.A.Y. - Station.”

With that the monkey leaped a year, jumped a frog and called Tutti over the moon.

“Oh boy, what have I done?” wondered Freddy, still trying to grasp the what had just happen.

Then a thought occurred to Freddy, “I know what I have NOT done. I haven't had dinner yet!”

So Freddy went back into his house to have some strawberries that Bob weaved for him which where left over the grill in the right side of the kitchen. He was so hungry, he left no leftovers over the grill.

#8 The Machine ~ part 1

Freddy fumed and fumed. He was jealous. Jealous that he wasn’t smart enough to conjure up plans the way Pit did. But Freddy was good with all things conventional.

Freddy, Pit’s neighbour used shaving cream to prevent his mirror from fogging. Pit on the hand attached windscreen wipers to his mirror instead. Who got the most publicity? Take a guess. Although Pit received more attention, it wasn’t because he was brilliant. It was because he often lived on the edge of coincidences and insanity. Still, Freddy wanted to be like him.

“I know what I’ll do,” mumbled Freddy to himself, “I’ll steal that humongous machine he has in is backyard and then I’ll be famous!”

When the clock tower struck two o’clock that night, Freddy sneaked into Pit’s backyard and dismantled the machine, brought every part to his backyard and built it back. Of course, in the dead of night, Freddy could barely see.

“Now how am I suppose to camouflage this thing,” thought Freddy, “I know, I’ll ask Pit.”

“Hello…?” said Pit in a groggy voice.

“Excuse me Pit, I want to camouflage something. Any ideas?” said Freddy

“Think superman,” with that Pit hanged up the phone on the clothes line. What a way to go on line.

Freddy pondered for a while the meaning of Pit’s words. Then, it occurred to him that superman and his everyday self were only separated by a pair of camouflage glasses. Freddy rushed into the kitchen took two glasses, filled it with water and placed it on the machine.

“There! No one would notice!” exclaimed Freddy proudly.

Little did Freddy know that Pit had horrendous memory for all things uncommon. Pit never noticed the missing machine in the backyard let alone noticed the machine in Freddy’s backyard. So Freddy went about his business trying to exploit Pit’s machine.

Freddy tinkered and tankered, hammered and dented, polished and waxed. He tried every conceivable idea as to how to get the machine to start. It wasn’t until well into the evening that he noticed the a slot for three AA batteries. He rushed over to Mr. Grocer, being a cheapskate he bought only two AAA batteries.

“It’s the same,” thought over-thrifty Freddy, “Same number of A’s.”

By the time Freddy had put in the batteries, it was already eight o’clock at night; well past his dinner time. Not knowing what button was for what, Freddy pressed everything and stood back.

...to be continued…